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The solution to your wish fulfilment

'QUALITY' IS "CAPABILITY" NOT "LEXICAL PROCEDURES"?

-- That is a "Lost" Statement:

Jude had started the business several decades ago. Small at first he had built it up to have but twelve, reliable, quality, employees. The business was a small electronics contracting one. Innovative novelty and reliability was incorporated into everything designed. Not a large scale company. The biggest job had been five hundred electrical exercise 'bycycles' for a medium sized gym. Novel in that the machines monitored the DNA of the user, consulted the database within the stored firmware and ensured the demanded exercise rate correlated with the possibility of heart-problems within the user. Absolutely OH&S safe within the probabilty of lexically perceived DNA data being correct.

Planning was accomplished by writing everything down on a flip-chart. The infamous thirteen knew what to do from this. Simple procedures documented within simple record books; one for generating the design requirements; one for generating documentation authorisation; one for releasing the design to manufacturing; and each employee kept notes within 'lab books' issued and recorded. It was a sort of 'matrix' management where everyone managed themselves, sort of 'self-managed', listened to each other and spoke to each other. Total co-operation and, most of all, trust in the quality of the employees and Jude.

There were some military type electronics gadgetry Jude knew his team could design and make but these type of contracts required demonstrated experience or accredited capability to even be considered. Jude knew this. Everyone knows this. You need experience to raise children so you must have to get children in order to attain the experience, no? So Jude, having self-assessed his need, decided to sire this need. He thought the business quality was up to it. There were design errors in the equipment but these were always caught in the development stage, not a one got to the customer. Pure quality with no lexical, metaphorical intervention.

Jude asked the twelve and all agreed that the business would apply for ISO9001 Accreditation and just to make sure Jude hired a 'middle' cost ($1200 per day) 'Consultant' to pre-test compliance.

Des, the 'Consultant' was quite 'nice'. He 'failed' everything. "No Quality Manual; no reject area for faulty items; no 'House of Quality Matrix' used in the design process; no record of designs rejected in the development process. (these, Jude thought were mentally rejected, experientially tested ideas that wouldn't work?) Worst of all, Des rejected the flip-chart, 'everybody' reads it planner and added that as there was no-one seen to be in charge there could be no quality!

Jude could see he had no hope. His sums showed that to incorporate all the requirements of this quality system would cost him around 15.5% on-cost and he could see no guarantee of gaining extra work justifying this increase. As a parting 'gift' to Des, he hired monkey outfits for the twelve, and himself and when Des arrived commented that the 'paperwork' had been implemented so 'any monkey' could design quality equipment by following the lexicalities thereon, so, in unison, the pretend monkeys told Des to, "Get Fucked!" Des wasn't amused, as this verbalism hadn't been presentled correctly to him, (i.e. lexically), but left somewhat $1200 per-day richer.

As a last 'experiment' Jude and the twelve decided to tender for a small 'military' development job. A requirement existed to identify 'friendly' types on a battlefield. Jude's novel 'use GPS to track, distribute via spread-spectrum, log and indicate telemetrically' was less difficult to innovate than generating the lexical, jargonised 'Quality Plan' of implementation. Submitted, it was forgotten in the daily innovative work.

Jude won the contract! Yeah! Off and running the thirteen were, at least for an instant. Then the 'Contracts Department' 'phoned. "You are not accredited to ISO9001, are you?" Contract 'un-won'. Yuk!!

The disappointment lasted until Jude received a 'phone call from a company wanting him to do 'a military job'. "Can't, not accredited," Said 'honest' Jude. "No worries, we'll 'inspect' you and judge." Interested him.

The 'inspection team', purporting to be 'development engineers', weren't of the 'quality' Jude expected, but, they were accredited to ISO9001! The inspection was minimal. Jude became suspicious. "The job?" Jude enquired. "We've won a contract to develop a system to identify 'friendly' armour on a battlefield," response made him smile, internally. "But we're extended." Jude thought, 'Yes, in creativity but not lexically.' "So we want to subcontract the job and you can obviously do it. You can work under our ISO9001 Accreditation."

Jude wondered why the team now sitting opposite him had taken on the shape of monkeys.

Perhaps a cynical hallucination from the 'right-lobe'?

Jude said nothing and softly smiled.

He could have told them to leave.

He didn't.

Maybe his right, bicameral lobe was telling him to take the thirty pieces of silver these ISO9001 Accredited Philistines offered to do the work. The thirteen had only quoted fifteen pieces of silver to do it in the first place!


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